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Arts & Entertainment

Great Escape: Medieval Times

Medieval Times castle in NJ is good olde cheesy fun.

Please read the following in a deep, movie preview-type manly voice: In a world ... where a cup of coffee ... can set you back more than a pound of produce. In a time ... when the term “debt ceiling” has become All. Too. Common.

You crave an escape to a simpler time. A more rugged time ... medieval times.

OK, I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t Medieval Times a place in New Jersey where people take their children to birthdays? Yes. But it’s actually a fun (albeit cheesy), worthwhile trip for us adults as well. If nothing else, you will get excellent photos of your best friends in paper crowns that you can laugh about for many years to come.

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Our closest castle – yes, they actually call it that – is in the exotic town of Lyndhurst, New Jersey. (Betchya didn’t know Lyndhurst had its very own castle, did you?) And for the price of admission, you get a three-course meal and a full-scale medieval production with horses and jousting and a steam machine! Oh my! 

But wait! It's historical, too. Click around their web site for a bit, and you'll learn all about the 11th century Spanish monarch, King Philippe, his son, Prince Tristan, and his new bride, Princess Leonore, who all play a pivotal role in the evening's entertainment. You can even read bios of the various knights, who will be highlighted in duels throughout the evening. Just don't get too attached. You'll be assigned a knight at random upon your arrival and seated in their section - and you'll surely face the rack if you're found cheering for any other than your chosen warrior.

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On the big day, make sure to arrive 90 minutes before your scheduled dining time. The staff suggests it in order to allow for corralling time – one can only imagine the precise coordination dinner for HUNDREDS requires. I suggest it because exploring the grounds is fascinating in a “I-feel-like-I’m-at-Disney” kind of way.

First, swing by the bar to pick up a stein of ale and stroll around the weapon cases, where medieval tools and trinkets are on display. Then, spring for a walk through the “torture museum;” it’s admittedly morbid but enthralling and by far the most educational aspect of the entire “Medieval Times” experience.

By the time you arrive in the great arena, you’ll be fully transported and ready to adopt the air of Spanish royalty, as you shout and cheer and watch the knights joust their way to glory. As you tuck into your roasted chicken, soup and potatoes - and yes, you’ll eat them all with your hands – I assure you you will feel a million miles, and a million years, away.

Escape begins: Wednesday-Sunday

Where: 149 Polito Avenue, Lyndhurst, N.J. 07071. Learn more at http://www.medievaltimes.com/lyndhurst.aspx

Cost: $60 adults; $35 for kids

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