The kids grew up with a yellow lab named Ginger; she was the perfect family dog. They’d attach hats to her head, use her as a pillow, and rode her like a pony. When she passed, there was a hole in our family that couldn’t be filled nor replaced. But after several months, the kids were begging to get another dog so we went to the SPCA and other shelters. You know when kids really want something, they tend not to be so picky? That was my kids that week; the first dog they saw they wanted. At first, it was a beagle, which got off the leash, chased a bird, attacked a cat, and almost got the kids …

My husband, Matt, snores like a bear. When we were first married, I barely slept the night through. As soon as he fell asleep, the sounds that resonated from that man were heard in every part of our house; the walls would rattle and pictures would shake. Teens and their bands could be practicing next door, but it would be the teens banging on the wall, telling us to keep it down. I went in search of every ear plug known to man. I found foam plugs that were supposed to mold to my ear, thus eliminating any sound from getting in. Problem with those, however, were that they felt weird. It was …

When did this happen? I was putting my makeup on this morning, when I noticed three hairs protruding from my chin. As I looked closer, I realized that there were a few other, finer hairs surrounding the bigger, fatter threesome. Swell. I'm turning into a nanny goat. I also noticed my upper lip is getting thinner. My lips would never have been compared to Angelina Jolie, but I don't want them as thin as Calista Flockhart's arms. So imagine how excited I was when a commercial promoted a product that allegedly plumps lips. I grabbed my keys, wallet and glasses and out the door I went. I drove to…

Do you remember a popular television show that ran in the '90s called “Home Improvement”? Tim Allen's character (Tim the Tool Man) was a home improvement television show host who was fond of grunting like a pig when he was in the presence of power tools. He also bumbled almost every project he laid his hands on. He'd often invite his sidekick, Al, to help him do something foolish, causing Al to say, “I don't think so, Tim” on a somewhat regular basis. Many people watched the show and laughed, not realizing how accurate Tim's portrayal of a man (and possibly some women) can be when home …

The heat wave that the whole country is experiencing is hopefully nearing an end. September and cooler weather are just weeks away – and I couldn't be happier. Not only because of the weather, but because it heralds our fall vacation. Every year in September, we head up to the Pocono Mountains for our family vacation near Bushkill Falls. It's a quiet house in a quiet neighborhood by a quiet lake. Until the Kells family gets there. But that's a story for another time. There are mondo amounts of packing to be done for a family of five, and since I hate to be without something, I pack everything…

When you're single and you get your first apartment, half the fun is decorating it. And if you're anything like me, money was tight so decorations and furnishings were often purchased at the thrift store, or you made do with hand me downs. You also get really creative, which translates to not being very picky. Then when Matt and I first got married, we had to mingle our meager furnishings. Unfortunately, his “art” consisted of neon signs for various brands of beer and other such bar room décor. Since I wasn't particularly enamored of having maidens wearing low cut blouses carrying mass …

For the almost 24 years I’ve been a member of the very large Kells family, we’ve vacationed together in Ocean City, N.J., over an extended Mother’s Day weekend. We'd all get down there on a Thursday, and stay until Sunday or Monday; pretty much inhabiting an entire floor of the resort. Perhaps the word “inhabit” is a bit tame. Take a loud Polish/Irish Catholic family, throw in some beer and other assorted alcohol, house them in cramped quarters and let's just say that things can get pretty rowdy. Occasionally, an errant family had the misfortune to be wedged in a room between our very vocal …

After getting my brand new “future” car, I had to show it to my best friend, Michele. As soon as I opened the door and she got a look at the dashboard, she began laughing. Not a giggle or a snicker, but a full fledged, gut splitting, hurting your stomach, howling type of laughter that brought tears to her eyes. She kept pointing to the dashboard, then looking at me, and the laughter would begin anew.Knowing what her reaction would be, I was eager to prove that I could work at least some of the gadgets; namely, the remote start. I had her get out, pointed the key fob at the car, made sure I …

My husband, Matt, and I have been married 23 years now, and I can safely say that he's the most frugal (read: cheap) man on the planet. He's learned how to fix plumbing and electrical problems, just to avoid having to pay someone else to do it. For someone with absolutely no formal training in these trades, he does a good job for the most part. There was the time he hooked up the ice maker that flooded the kitchen, sending waterfalls downstairs into the office, taking out a fairly new computer, fax machine and printer and turned the office into a wading pool. But that was only once. Thank God…

Back in the 60's, much of America looked forward to a game show called “Password." The host, Alan Luddin, would pair celebrities with regular folks, and the spokesman would whisper the phrase, “And the password is . .” Hilarity would ensue as the contestants would have to guess the secret word via one word clues. To me, there has never been a more prophetic game show in the history of television. Why? Because today we have passwords for everything. We even need a password to retrieve forgotten passwords. Just the other day, Matt was trying to figure out what I'd done to my cell phone plan. I'…

I've worn either contacts or glasses all my life as I can't see far away. Heck, I'm so blind I can barely see a few feet in front of me without some type of corrective lens. But I was always able to read books without benefit of ocular help. And then one day, I couldn't. I'm sure it wasn't as fast as all that, but it sure seems like it. Looking back, I recalled the kids and I teasing their grandmother, Gretchen, about always losing her reading glasses. Now I have at least 10 pair of them, a pair in every nook and cranny of the house. Still, I'm always looking for them. Now they're teasing me…

I've said it before and I'll say it again – I'm a sucker when it comes to televised sales pitches. I can't help it, I really want to believe in new miracle products that claim to make our lives easier, cut the time we spend in the kitchen or make us look younger. The thing of it is, most of the stuff being hocked is just a twist on an old idea.For example, there are innovative furniture moving pads you place under the legs of furniture (only $19.99 for 16), making moving furniture a breeze! On TV, it looks as if they're gliding over ice. It made me want to buy them if only to join in the fun…

We live in a world filled with noise. It seems that just about everything emits some type of beeping, chirping, whining, bleating, or buzzing.Years ago, when our daughter Aubrie was little, we'd gone down to the shore. We got into our little room, put our suitcases down and went out to walk on the boards. When we got back, we were treated to a loud, high pitched ringing noise, reverberating throughout the room. We searched everywhere, trying to locate the source to no avail. The hotel sent the maintenance man, but he couldn't figure it out either. Since there was no way we could stay in the …

We live in a house that's over 100 years old. As such, there seems to be a dizzying array of things that need to be fixed. Over the years, Matt has done a ton of home improvement himself. DIY (do-it yourself) projects are a double-edged sword. It's fulfilling to work on something and be proud of both the finished product and the fact that you've done it yourself. The other edge of that sword, however, is not knowing what in the world you're doing. I, of course, fall into the latter category. I love to watch HSBG or the DIY Channel, and have deluded myself into thinking I could, or should, …

I love flowers and every year, I plant them on just about every square inch of our deck. I've got them in window sills, hanging baskets, over the rail planters, over sized pots, and whiskey barrels. I'm always looking for new and different plants and love catering to hummingbirds and butterflies. A few years ago, I was in my annual search of something different when I came across a tropical "bush" called Angel's Trumpet. The flowers were long and hummingbirds loved them. I bought three small 8-inch starter stalks and planted them in my whiskey barrels. I probably should have read the entire …

Our family is crazy about animals and we've had quite the menagerie throughout the years. We've had dogs, ferrets, birds, fish, chinchillas, turtles, frogs and even field mice. In fact, one year we were sitting on our deck when our son, Boy, thought he spotted a baby bunny. He kept watching and sure enough, there was a tiny rabbit hopping around. Of course, we were concerned because there are owls and bats around our house; he was prime rib to them. Boy looked at me and asked if he caught him, could he keep him? Knowing how fast rabbits are, I figured there was no way he would catch it. Plus…

For about the last 45 years, my husband Matt’s family has gone down to the shore every Mother’s Day weekend. Take a loud, Polish/Irish family, throw in some beer and other assorted alcoholic beverages, house them in cramped quarters, and well, you can imagine the mayhem that can ensue. And, boy, we have some tales to tell. One of the longest running irritants that have continually plagued our family is rain. I'm not talking about a steady rain or even a downpour. I'm talking about torrential, sideways, ricocheting off the boardwalk (making an umbrella useless) bring your ark building supplies…

Why is it that whenever you're in a hurry, it seems that all the world conspires to prevent you from being on time at your chosen destination? You could be in labor, hanging on to a severed limb or running late for work, and you'll have the misfortune of hitting every red light in the city. But if you have all the time in the world, it's as if Moses has parted the Red Sea for you, holding the evil motorists at bay.  Matt and I were going to an appointment in Philadelphia a few weeks ago. We made sure there was plenty of time for us to find the building and be on time. We got on the …

You come across a full-sized lamp that you were sure you lost years ago, and both television shows, "Hoarders" and "American Pickers" are vying for the right to film you. Okay, okay, it's not really that bad at my house. Still, we've stopped using spring cleaning to describe our yearly ritual. We call it winter purging. After this long, long winter, we have so much stuff to get rid of, we need to get a special permit from the township. Sadly, I am a pack rat. Well, I prefer "collector of rarities." My husband, Matt, is the exact opposite. I call him a neat freak, but he prefers the term, "…

When you're a kid, nothing is better than occasions that heap candy, toys, and/or costly electronics upon you. Frankly, as an adult, the same holds true. Too bad that as an adult, those occasions have dwindled miserably. In an effort to morph customs and religion many years ago, Santa Claus and all his mystery became a yearly endeavor of Christian moms. Proving his existence required little more than milk and cookies. Although, I have to admit, in our house, Matt told the kids that Santa was getting cookies and milk at every other house. Wouldn't it be nice if we left Santa pretzels and beer…