Teach Your Children Well...But Hurry!
What do kids need to learn before they leave the nest?
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By my estimate, I have about 405 days to tell my older son everything he has to know about life before he wriggles free of my 18-year embrace and leaves for college.
That means I have to step up my game.
When our sons were little, my husband and I made a list of movies we wanted them to see – films that teach lessons, some that inspire or make us laugh. There are still about seven left on the list and it’s become increasingly hard to fit them in with my son’s job, school and social life taking precedence.
Likewise, there are books I want him to read and plays he needs to see before he is beyond my dictates.
When we made those lists it seemed like there were an infinite number of days ahead to introduce our kids to “Inherit the Wind” and “Glory” and “Mr. Deeds Goes to Town” (the Gary Cooper version). Now we feel like we’re playing Beat the Clock.
Then there are the practical lessons. He often makes his own breakfast and lunch but I have to teach him how to cook some simple dinners. He knows how to do his own laundry but he doesn’t always plan ahead and sometimes wears a wet shirt straight from the washer.
Will he clean out the lint from the dryer filter each time to avoid a fire in his dorm? The odds aren’t good.
I talked with a friend whose son is my son’s age. She had a long list to teach:
- When to change the oil in the car
- How to charge a battery and change a tire
- How often to change bed sheets
- How to make appointments
Those were just a few of the lessons.
Another friend told me her 24-year-old daughter called her the other day to ask her how to make a hard-boiled egg. “I’ve failed as a mother,” my friend said, groaning in mock despair. Her daughter is a college graduate with a good job but somehow escaped the hard-boiled-egg lesson in life.
I’m not alone in this weird pastime, am I? Any other parents of graduates or soon-to-be graduates have things they feel like they need to teach their kids in a hurry? Any parents already been through this? I’m all ears.
Ellen Heath
8:11 am on Thursday, June 14, 2012
Good news, Margie: They don't leave the planet. Last Christmas, my daughter in graduate school asked, "Please tell me again about my great, great, great grandmother who came on the boat from Ireland when she was a teenager. I wasn't really paying attention the first time." AND I can call her and ask, "How do I set up Skype on my new computer? I wasn't really paying attention the first time." It just gets better.
Jonathan Gerard
8:53 am on Thursday, June 14, 2012
Lovely, Ellen.
Mary Anne Looby
9:04 am on Thursday, June 14, 2012
Don't worry about it. You will find as your kids age that their need to know often ends up being that phone call for which you've been longing. Sometimes it will turn into a one thing leads to another call, and sometimes it is just a quickie like how to thread a needle. My kids are all over 30 but I still get those calls. They manage, they learn and they surprise you when they tell you the latest book they are reading, often times they are exceeding your hopes. Pink tee shirts are the norm in college, and no one cares if your clothes are clean. AAA auto club makes a great stocking stuffer, we still get it for our kids. Don't worry if you miss their call when you and your husband are finally sailing around the tropics, they can always find out "how to do it" on the internet. Take these last 408 days and talk about the values you have already taught. Kindness, charity, good sportmanship, equality, embracing diversity these are the things that they need to know. Like the the Beatles song says, "All you need is Love". If they get that message all will be right in their world.
Cindy Wlazelek
11:57 am on Thursday, June 14, 2012
When she wanted to know how to boil an egg, she knew who she could turn to for information that she could rely on. That very much sounds like a big success!
To me, that should be A #1 ontop of every parent's list --- Buils a solid, trusting relationship
Robert Scherer
2:56 pm on Thursday, June 14, 2012
What in the world have you been doing with your kids for the last 18 years? Did you ever sit down and talk to them? Did you take the time to show them how to do things? Things like making a simple meal, cleaning their rooms or washing their clothes when they are dirty. Did you take the time to show them how to do simple repairs around the house? I showed my kids how to check the oil, check tire air pressure, check water levels along with other things and how to correct the problems before they even got their licenses to drive. Don't get me wrong, they still call for mom and dad's help when they run into a problem and need help. That's why we're here and gladly help them. Life is a constant learning experience and sometimes it's good to let them learn on their own and experience the cost of learning. Teach your kids as they grow and don't wait until they are ready to move out on their own. I've seen too many cases where parents were too busy doing their own thing, ignored what the kids were doing and left them to learn on their own.When things start to go wrong it is too late to ask why. Don't wait for some one else to show and teach them. Do it yourself by starting when they are young,not 18 years later. The best praise you will ever get is when they say, " I learned how to do that from my parents". Teach by example!
Mary Anne Looby
3:36 pm on Thursday, June 14, 2012
Mr. Scherer, good for you for having an interest in your vehicle and teaching your kids the same. Not all of us are into that stuff, nor do we have the time for it. My husband and I were fortunate to go to college. We didn't have family members in the trades, so we were never exposed. We also felt very strongly about taking our business to local people that we knew and trusted. We did pass that along to our kids. They know what to do when the oil needs changing or they need new tires or inspectiion. A simple meal, sure! I have three sons who love to cook, one makes his living doing it. We also have a daughter who is not so nuts about it, but she had the smarts to marry a man who loves to cook and experiment. She loves being his sous chef. I am pretty sure most of the folks on here have kids who can clean their rooms and make their beds. As for being able to fix things around the house, not everyone is handy. I wish I was, or at least could find a good handyman to execute some of my crazy ideas. I think Margie's article was not so much about can they or can't they, but the angst a Mom feels when the kids start leaving home. It's a rite of passage and once taken you can never go back. So kuddos to all of us for doing the best we can with what we've got.
Lanya
4:50 pm on Thursday, June 14, 2012
I learned from my parents as much as they could teach me before I left the nest.
The rest I Googled, and I've done pretty well so far.
Margie Peterson
9:48 am on Friday, June 15, 2012
Robert, so I wasn't supposed to lock my kids in a closet for 18 years? Who knew? Mary Anne and Ellen, thanks for understanding that this is about a mom's angst as kids get ready to leave home. I guess I fear becoming a bit player in their lives after having had a starring role.
Liberalism is a mental disorder
11:17 am on Friday, June 15, 2012
The biggest problem we have today is liberals, who don't understand math, economics or reality, raising the next generation of naive liberals who think you can and should do anything that makes you feel good. We have far too many of those in the United States. When you combine them with the 40% of people who live off government handouts, you end up with an idiot like Barack Obama as president.
Sharon Flack Theiner
10:05 pm on Saturday, June 16, 2012
Not really the point here....
Sharon Flack Theiner
10:10 pm on Saturday, June 16, 2012
Our kids are 8 & 12 and we are just deciding what new jobs they need to learn this summer with just this idea in mind. I have to wonder if we ever really think we have prepared our kids enough for life?
For those of you with boys not so close to leaving the nest, may I suggest Cub Scouting and Boy Scouting as another great training ground for life. It is certainly working for us.