Do you Suffer From 'Supermom Syndrome?'
When things go topsy-turvy, how do you cope with the unsettling realization that you can’t have it all.
Moms Talk is a weekly feature on all Lehigh Valley Patches in which local parents, caregivers and other members of the community are invited to share opinions and advice on parenting topics.
This week’s Moms Talk question relates to Supermom Syndrome.
Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working mom or something in between, if the word "mom" is somewhere in your job title, odds are you are juggling at least three things at once from the time you open your eyes in the morning until your head hits the pillow at night. And, odds are, when your head hits that pillow, you are probably chastising yourself about how you could have handled at last one of those many balls you had in the air a little bit better. You could have been a little kinder to your daughter when she filled your purse with milk. A little better planning and your kids wouldn’t have had cereal for dinner. Again. You know the drill. And, while every mom knows that no one is perfect and that we need to cut ourselves some slack, those mantras are much easier to chant (and teach our children) than they are to actually live by. Yet, a recent study indicates that we had better try much harder to practice what we preach, as it seems that those of us who bought into the recently named affliction of Supermom Syndrome in our younger years are actually at higher risk of depression when we reach our 40s, than those who had a more realistic view of the world.
So, here’s what we want to know:
Do you suffer from Supermom Syndrome? And, what’s more, do you wish you didn’t? If you don't, what advice can you give those moms who do?
Our Moms Council members include:
- Lisa Amey of Upper Milford Township is a stay-at-home mom to an 8-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl. A past president of the MOMS Club of Emmaus and longtime member of MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers), Lisa is an Independent Consultant for Arbonne International.
- Lisa Drew of Emmaus is a certified nutritionist and personal trainer, wellness and fitness coach with more than 17 years of experience. She is the mother of a 13-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy.
- Jennifer Elston of Emmaus has almost two decades of professional experience in child development and counseling. She is currently a stay-at-home mom to two beautiful girls. Together with her husband, Chris, she owns Christopher Elston Photography.
- Jeanne Lombardo of Nazareth is the mother of a 10-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl. She’s new to the Lehigh Valley, having moved to Nazareth from Bergen County, NJ in January.
- Lisa Merk of Lower Macungie is a stay-at-home mother of four boys – a 12-year-old and 6-year-old triplets. Lisa is a past president of the MOMS Club of Lower Macungie East. In her “spare” time, Lisa teaches piano to school-age children.
- Zoila Bonilla Paul of Bethlehem is a stay-at-home mom to two girls – a 5-year-old and a 14-month-old. Zoila is a member of her local “moms’ club” and says she is “well-versed in the fun that children can bring.”
- Beth Sharpless of Emmaus works part time in a local emergency department as a nurse and part time from home as a customer support specialist. She has two children -- a boy who is almost 2 and a 5-year-old girl. She says they love spending time outdoors and dancing.
If you would like to become a part of the Moms Council and/or have ideas for future Moms Talk questions, please email jennifer.marangos@patch.com.
Lisa Amey
7:54 pm on Sunday, July 29, 2012
I always think I can improve as a mom in so many areas. Sometimes I even ask my kids how I am doing and what could I do better. If I find that I'm beating myself up about something, I just vow to try and do things differently next time. That's all we can do is learn from our mistakes, and ask for help when needed.
Re: the linked article-- As a mom who had her kids after age 35, I'm not depressed at all (at age 40 something) about trying to be a supermom. However, in retrospect I know if I had my kids in my 20's I would have had so much more energy to keep up with them!
Beth
11:46 pm on Sunday, July 29, 2012
I think my biggest thing is to not scream at the kid(s) as much as I do. How much more pleasant for everyone is it when there is a controlled, quiet setting? I beat myself up about that. Besides, who wants to listen to someone that's screaming at them. As far as multi-tasking goes-I'm getting to be O.K. with a somewhat dirty house. We are not living in filth, but I'm getting better at "letting things go" as opposed to stressing out about every nook and cranny being clean. And, oh yeah, what about me? I've recently started exercising again and what a difference it makes for everyone in the family. No doubt about it, something has to give. It's impossible to make everyone happy all the time-and who says we have to? I know I find that I bring much of this stress on myself thinking I have to make everyone happy. I guess I'm trying to look at the bigger picture and not get so hung up on the little stuff. I am also fortunate in the fact that my husband is very supportive of everything I do and is there whenever I need him.
Motherof1
5:45 pm on Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Beth, I have a plaque in my kitchen. It reads: "My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy". I'll loan it to you. Years from now, the kids won't even remember the clean house you worked so hard to maintain and a thousand "good job, sweetie" remarks won't begin to make up for one bout of mommy screaming at them out of anxiety. My mother was an R.N. before she had kids and then became a homemaker. We could eat off her kitchen floor- I swear it was almost sterile. She insisted on leaving vacuum tracks in the carpets on Mondays when she cleaned the entire house. When I look back, I don't really focus on what a great homemaker she was and admire her for it- I wonder if she had O.C.D. and wish she had been more fun. There will be plenty of time to clean those nooks and crannies when they go off to college, if you still want to.
Center Valley Citizen
3:04 pm on Monday, July 30, 2012
The thing I struggle with the most is getting caught up in the day to day, and kicking myself at the end of the day for doing so. It's so apparent to me how short life is, how quickly our babies grow, and how precious each moment is. Every day, I tell myself I'm going to take my kids to the park more, I'm going to make more effort to make good memories, I'm going to take them on a bike ride, we're going to spend the night playing and forget about what else needs to be done. Every day I say I will yell at them less, take time to hug and kiss them more. Every day I say I will read more bed time stories, not rush around like a lunatic. But then, each day passes, and I find that I've done none of those things. Every day it's get up, get ready, get out the door, work, pick up the kids, park them in front of the TV while I make dinner, clean up, get lunches ready for the next day, do laundry, etc. I rush everyone through dinner, hurriedly get them ready for bed and by the time I get them into their rooms, I'm too exhausted and "I'll read a story tomorrow, promise". Every day I want to be a better mother, and every day I feel as though I fail.
Motherof1
5:55 pm on Wednesday, October 10, 2012
I live in Center Valley and I think we are living parallel lives. I have those days too. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I think despite today's hectic pace, as long as their is plenty of love in your household, you are doing a much better job than you have given yourself credit for doing. When my son was younger and he could read, I had him read a story to me while I cooked dinner. That was my answer to being too tired to read to him at bedtime and he really enjoyed switching our roles.
AnnaMarie Zeravsky
3:48 pm on Monday, July 30, 2012
I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 month old. I have to leave the house by 7:30 to drop the kids at the babysitter and get to work by 8. I try so hard to get completely ready before waking the kids so that I/we don't have to rush. I stay up so late every night trying to get everything done that I wasn't able to get done that evening that I am too tired every morning that I don't get up earlier. I then don't get the kids up until 6:30, which leaves an hour to get both kids up, dressed, feed, hair done, all with trying to keep my cool and not scream to rush their breakfast. I get so frustrated with the kids when it is totally my fault for not being 100% ready before I get them up and not giving them enough time. I am also trying really hard to just accept the fact that it is okay to have a messy house. Even if I NEVER get the clothes put away, at least we are all wearing clean clothes (that came out of a laundry basket all wrinkly)!
Jennifer Elston
5:08 pm on Friday, August 3, 2012
I don't think I suffer from this syndrome. I do a lot with my kids and I realize I need time for me as well. I know if I don't have "me time," my family suffers :). I'm lucky to be able to stay at home full-time with my kids, so I don't have the added pressure/guilt that working moms have. I really think the key is realizing our children don't need our attention 100% of the time and they benefit from leaning to be independent. I'm not saying I am perfect--far from it. I do feel bad when I raise my voice, etc. But, I don't harp on it. I try really hard not to let guilt run my life.
Tiffany
8:02 pm on Saturday, August 18, 2012
I have a hard time 50% of the time feeling like i can do better. I work only 35 hours a week and only 9 of those hours my kids are awake for. That means I try to work when they are sleeping. I dont want to miss anything in there lives and i want to be the best mom i can be and still i feel that i am moody on the days i only get two hours of sleep. I dont know what to do to pay the bills and spend time with my kids. I failed to mention my son will be one in 2 wks and my daughter turned two about a month ago. I try to do fun cheap things with them like going for walks and taking them to the park and playing with bubbles outside but thats about it. I clean every waking minute and go to bed feeling like the house should be cleaned a bit more. I have a slight germ issue and i have for about 10 yrs, so i think that makes it worse. What can i do to make my kids have fun when i am exhausted?